Vent, Vent . . . Vent, Vent Vent . . . Vent, Vent . . .

I managed to wake up this morning though I didn't want to. I didn't take anything to help. I just dealt with it. I got dressed and then I took back my computer from Jordan's room because I wanted to check my email. Sure enough I heard from my Aussie. He always makes me feel better so that was nice. I'm hoping I can think straight enough after this to write him another quick email.

I left to Heartland early because I wanted to stop by McDonald's and grab something to eat. I got a Sausage McMuffin and an Xtra large Diet Dr. Pepper. That was the extent of my caffeine. Then I got there before 8:30am thinking that the class started at 8:30am, when in reality it starts at 9:00am. I was standing around for awhile. But then the door opened and I went inside for Coping Skills and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The classes were good and it was nice to be around other people with mental disabilities again. It's just you know they understand stuff. Anyway, after that I went home. I was exhausted and ended up laying down. I think I checked a couple of things online, but I was just too tired to go onto AIM or MSN to write with Patty B. Instead, I just napped until about 4:00pm. I didn't really sleep. It was more like dozing because I'm still really, really tired.

I had to get up because I had a therapy appointment and I sure as hell wasn't going to miss it! Especially with the fact that I had that Medical Exemption form for him to fill out and fax to my Welfare to Work worker. Then on the way there Jason called me and ranted about Susan's mom. She wrote them a nasty email. Susan wrote her back placating and that she was sorry - again. Jason wrote her and said that she was poisoning the girls. That she was bitter. He didn't write it mean, but more to the point. I don't think he's out of line at all with the way that psycho bitch acts, but it's not going to win any points and might make things worse for Susan. That's my only concern. But I absolutely HATE this woman. I HATE her with a passion and the more she hurts Susan, the more I hate that Psycho Bitch. What mother hires a lawyer to take your kids away for you? What grandmother makes her grandchildren call her MOM? It's sick! She's sick in my opinion. She gets pleasure from hurting Susan and what's sad is the youngest girl Samantha is turning out just like the bitch. I think she's going to find out the world doesn't work her grandmother's way. But whatever. She can decide how she wants to treat others and she'll get treated accordingly. I just hate that woman. She should have NEVER been a mother in any capacity of the word. Yeah, I'm ticked off . . . just a little! :-P

So I went to see my therapist and ranted about the Welfare to Work situation and a lot about Susan's Psycho Bitch mom. We talked about my anxiety and how it manifests. That's fun! I left with my chest hurting. It sucked. But once I got home I had dinner and relaxed watching TV I felt better. Except I have also been having tooth pain. I'm thinking it's abscessing again which means I need to see the doctor. I guess it will depend on how things go tomorrow as for when I go see a doctor. Maybe I'll go straight after my classes at Heartland tomorrow. I'll have to get some lunch though. 

Anyway, I'm hoping I sleep tonight. That this crap won't bother me so much now that I've been able to vent about it so much today. That would be nice. I've already watched "Ghost Hunters" and I'm watching "Fact or Faked" right now. I think after this, I'm going to finish watching this show and then write my Aussie an email and then try to sleep. That's the plan anyway.

Tired Frustration . . . Need to Sleep

Well, I woke up early. I've had about three hours of sleep. I took a 5-hour energy and it helped wake me up. I really was stressed about getting downtown to this stupid Welfare to Work thing when I shouldn't have even been there. Someone fucked up my paperwork and sent me here when I'm supposed to be marked as disabled. So I grabbed my coffee, water and one of the remaining breakfast tacos. I then got Jordan because he wanted me to drop him off at 7/11.

My frustration rose when I had to find this stupid building. It was my fault though. I couldn't find it because I was looking on the wrong side of the street. What was really stupid is I even thought I needed to look to see which side was odd and which was even. Somehow my mind had a brain-fart and I completely couldn't find what I was looking for. I ended up parking on a different street before I realized my mistake. But rather than switch it I just left the car there and went to the building. It was a bitch to walk back, but I survived.

I got there early. I sat there and then another woman arrived. She had been pregnant and had just had her baby a week ago and they made her come in! The Welfare people (Not the Welfare to Work People) are total assholes. They screw people over obviously. Anyway, we talked and eventually we went into orientation and sat beside each other. After orientation I got called back for the drug and alcohol screening. Then it was a wait to meet my worker. She was really, really nice and I explained what I had happened. She gave me a new medical form for my therapist. I need to ask him to fax it to her tomorrow night. Then I have to go to Heartland's classes which is no big deal except that I won't be able to keep going once I get cleared. But god only knows how long that's going to take. I just need to bullshit around until the medical clearance kicks in. I just wish the SSI were settled. Ugh!

After that, I came home. I couldn't wait. I debated on whether to stop and get a chicken sandwich but ultimately I just went home. I grabbed the last breakfast taco and headed to my room.

Even though I was started to feel how tired I was, decide to go online and write with Patty B. We started another story, but I'm running too many characters I think. Maybe it's just because I'm tired, but I feel rundown by it. Probably because I'm tired. I even got offline first this time. That's how tired and not feeling well I was. I also found out that I guess Linda whose in the hospital said that the ibuprofen was responsible for her kidneys shutting down. This came through Cassie and Cassie was worried about me. I'll try not to take too much. At least until I get the Naproxen again. Then I found out Susan's mom is being her usual BITCH self. She got angry because Cassie contacted Samantha, apologized and tried to be friends with her again. The bitch actually went into Samantha's email and wrote them back. I can't believe just how big of a stick this woman has up her ass. I told Jordan that I think it's cemented in. It really upsets me but there's nothing I can do about it. All I can say is she's lucky I'm not her daughter. I would have bitched that woman out from the time I was a teenager. She is such a bitch! Did I mention she's a bitch??

Well my mom made a nice dinner - fried fish, mac n cheese, green beans and tomatoes. The tomatoes were from a previous dinner that didn't get eaten. At least not all of them. It was yummy. I'm thirsty again too, but I don't want to pee all night long, however if I'm thirsty I'm going to drink and I'll just have to deal with it. 

Anyway, that's about it. I dozed through a repeat of "Destination Truth" but woke up for the new episode. Then I almost thought about not writing my entry today, but then I realized I really should. After all, I've had a lot to vent. I'm still angry about that woman - Susan's mom has never cared about anyone other than herself. I hate her. I always have and always will and I don't hate people without good reason.

Guess it's time to finish watching "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen" and then go to sleep. I need it.

Another Day of Shopping at Wally World!

Well, what a day. First I slept until 3:00pm. I woke up and didn't want to wake up. I still feel like I just don't want to face the day which kind of sucks. Add to the fact that I had trouble sleeping like usual . . . Ugh! Then my mother was aggravated with me because I didn't wake up. Not like she could wake me up, right? I'm supposed to just wake up at her will I guess. But I got up and things were okay. I took meds, got dressed, ate something then took my mom up to Grossmont Medical Center so she could pick up her Diabetes tabs from the pharmacy. After that we went to Walmart.

My mom wanted to go out to gardening so she gave me her list and I basically got everything on her list except for one thing I thought said seeds, but it really looked well and I didn't know what kind of seeds she was talking about. Of course, it was something for gardening, so it was best I ignored it anyway. It didn't take me too long to get everything so I went and got a drink at McDonald's and waited for her. It took awhile and I could have read or something, but I didn't. LOL! I did have three sodas by the time it was all done and over.

When my mom got there she was hungry so she gave me money to get her a salad and get me two Big Macs for $3.50. It's a great deal. Then my mom asked what I was going to do about Jordan and I figured I'd get him a couple of burgers and she talked me into getting Big Macs for him. Not that he appreciated it much! LOL! He was still hungry! Ugh! And he bitched and moaned about bringing all the bags from out of the car and putting them away. But he did it. Then George came over, helped him fill out some of his applications and they left. It was almost 9:00pm and I was like, who's going to take you seriously at this time of night! But they went anyway. He also took my keys. Unfortunately he didn't lock the door before he left!! My mom, who I guess had gone to sleep already, got up, found it unlocked and freaked out at ME!! Grant you, I probably should have checked the door, but why should I have to tell Jordan to lock the freakin' door? Ugh!! And her yelling at me set off a headache so I ended up taking Advil. I'm out of Naproxen now, which sucks.

What hasn't sucked is that I got an email from My Aussie!! I wrote him a quick email and sent him some goofy pix of me and he wrote me back quickly! It was so great to hear from him. Everytime I get an email from him it makes me smile and this great feeling courses through me. It's not like undying love, but that love is there. I feel comfortable with him. He's a friend. He's more . . . I want him in my life always one way or another.

Anyway, I finished watching "Being Human" and "Stargate: Universe" and both were great. Next week is the "Being Human" season finale and I don't want it to be the finale. They do a lot in the show and it's really, really intense, but it's so good. Right now Josh's baby is growing fast in momma's womb. Sally's fiance finally is going to jail. He tried to burn down the house. Aiden and Josh got there in time to get the flames out and freak the fiance out. Sally got her door, but just just as she was about to open the door Bisphop crashed through the window and stabbed Aiden. In other respects I can't wait for next week's episode, but why does it have to be the finale?? Ugh!

Well, it's late and I need to wake up early. I have to go downtown. I don't want to, but I don't have a choice. I have to do this Welfare to Work program orientation, which I shouldn't have to do at all! But someone must have fucked up my paperwork. I am a bit freaked out, but there isn't anything I can do. I have to go. I just hope I don't get lost or something. I HATE downtown! Ugh! 

Maybe I won't be sleeping tonight . . .

  

Movie Day!!!

I had such a hard time going to sleep last night. I think I get a little bit of a high when I buy things I am excited about - like the memory card reader and the Flash Drive. In fact, I ended up playing with the Flash Drive last night after all and I saved my story "The Black Cat" on it. It's good to have a copy that can't get erased. Anyway, I eventually went to sleep. Didn't wake up until around noon. That's not so bad. After all, I've slept until 3:00pm before! But I got up and got my coffee - even had some breakfast! My mom thawed some bagels. She'd baked them just a bit and they tasted like they were fresh. I had one with cream cheese and one with margarine. Jordan wouldn't have any because they had sesame and poppy seeds on them. LOL!

Jordan also reminded me that we were going to have a movie day. He wanted to start with "The Gangs of New York" but I told him that I wanted to start with "Edge of Darkness." So guess what we started with? Yep, "Edge of Darkness." It was a great movie. I got drawn in right away. In some respects the ending is sad, but with the way they handled it, it turned out like a bittersweet ending and it fit with the story very well. But what irritated me is that my DVD had some serious glitches so I didn't get to finish it right away. I was so upset that I couldn't just watch something else. I wanted to FINISH watching my movie. So I ended up going out and going back to Walmart to take it in for an exchange. On the way I had Jordan mail my QR7. We also stopped and got drinks from Albertson's. But once at Walmart it didn't take too long to turn it in and get a new one. And as soon as we got home, I forwarded to where the other movie screwed up and we finally watched the end of it. I'm glad I have it and I'm glad I got the new one. It needed to be exchanged.

Anyway, after that we did watch "The Gangs of New York" but paused halfway through to go get something to eat. I coudn't help myself and we went to Beef and Bun. It took almost $20 but I love their food . . . just hope I'm not hurting for the rest of the month. Jordan and I each got huge burgers. He got fries and I got onion rings and we both got the chocolate peanut butter shakes. Beef N Bun has the best shakes!! After that, we stopped at the 99 cent store. I needed to pick up some condoms for Jordan. Better safe than sorry. I almost got him colored ones by accident! LOL! I told him that and we both had a good laugh. My mom also called and wanted me to pick up some Creamy Tomato & Basil bisque from Vons. The line at the store was so long, I couldn't believe it! But I go through it easy enough.

By the time we got home we were ready to finish watching "The Gangs of New York." Then Jordan wanted to take "Ninja Assassin" to watch it in the other room because I was going to watch the finale of "Chopped All Stars" but I talked him into waiting an hour so we could watch it together. It was also good, though I had hoped there's be more of a relationship between the two main characters. Ah well. But I guess it's safe to say that we did have a movie day! I certainly enjoyed it. 

Oh, and need I say we spent the day also cuddling Karissa. She kept wanting to get her treats in the corner and we had to keep trying to push her away from them! LOL! But she'd also just move around to different spots on the bed to either get pet in different places or to try to escape from the attention for a bit. LOL! Either way she got LOVED up! In fact, I think she actually thrives on it. She is such a loved and spoiled little thing! LOL!

Now I think I am going to take my night meds and finish watching "River Monsters" that I just came across. But I'm tired and hopefully I'll sleep easier tonight. 

Tomorrow is going to be a long day. My mom wants to go shopping, shopping, Shopping and then Tuesday I have to go downtown. Ick. But I must. Anyway, I guess that's it for today. Time for bed.   

Dehydration - It sucks!

I may not be a doctor, but I did some research on the web and sure enough, I figured out what was wrong with me yesterday. The thing that fit the closest was severe dehydration. I think if I would have gone to the ER yesterday they probably would have stuck an IV in me and run fluids in. But I think all the water I drank yesterday worked. I woke up feeling much better. I've still been a bit tired today, but much, much better. I need to make sure I drink enough water every day. If not I'm going to get sick like that again. And I definitely don't want to do that!

Anyway, I woke up around 11:30am. I really didn't do too much. I let Jordan have the computer for awhile, but I told him I wanted it back. I guess I ended up watching Fox News mostly while I was working on my schedule, though I didn't get through much of it. Then once I got the computer back I got on the chat programs and wrote with Patty  B. It's always good to write with her. We wrote a lot today, but I think this story is close to running it's course and I think she wants to move to another story. I could write more on this one, but it's got to be something we both want to work on. Anyway, she came up with an interesting idea so I shouldn't have any trouble picking up another story. I remember how much I liked the characters I'd create. This time I got farther in a story than I had before. Usually once my characters had their babies either we had to skip forward or I'd lose interest and we'd go on to another story. But this time I had her have twins and played through that longer. It was kind of sweet. I don't have to have constant action or drama. Well, there has to be some! LOL! I still have my love of the Arabian Nights kinda theme. Arabian Princes or princes of men. :-D I look forward to seeing what we do tomorrow.

Anyway, my mom fixed a great dinner. It was beef quesadillas. Mmmmmm! I ate three of them with some cooked carrots. That Roast Beef she made the other night fed us for two nights and both dinners were fabulous. Sometimes I wonder why I can't be more like my mom and be more spontaneous with cooking. I work very straight forward and I just don't have the cooking experience she does. Kinda wish I did. It would make me such a better cook. I'm an okay cook. I do some things really well, but it would be nice to be able to pull almost anything together.

After dinner I wrote more with Patty B until she was ready to crash. I can't believe she's been staying awake so long lately. I  mean, being in the Netherlands kind of makes a big time difference. But I'm glad she does.

Once she said goodnight I watched Episodes of "House." I wanted to go to the store and see if my money came in, but I got wrapped up with at least two episodes of "House" that I hadn't seen. It worked out because by the time I was done watching the episodes my mother was in bed. That allowed me to easily get dressed, get Jordan and go to the store. We stopped at Albertson's and I bought two sodas. Getting the reciept it showed my money had indeed come in so Jordan and I headed to Walmart. I had my checklist. I couldn't resist going to the $5 DVD bin. I found "The Green Mile" so I grabbed that. I also picked up more 5-hour energy. Grabbed nose spray and cough medicine. Got cat food, cat treats and even a cat toy. Then we went upstairs and I got a card reader for my camera's mermory card. I also got a flash drive. I hope to put my writing on it. I also ended up going through the DVD aisles. Jordan wanted "Gangs of New York" and since it was only $10 I said yes. But then I also got "Edge of Darkness" which I have been wanting for quite awhile and "Ninja Assassin." Both for $13. I haven't seen either, but the promos for both were great and that was enough for me. I also ended up sending down Jordan back to the $5 and had him grab "27 Dresses" for me even though it's full screen. I guess it's something I can deal with because I love the movie.

Then the line to get out was huge!! It was ridiculous huge. But I stayed and got out of there with $20 back. I was hungry by that time so I took us to Taco Bell (for me) and Jack in the Box (for Jordan). After eating we finally came home. Poor Jordan though. His tooth is bothering him. I've got to get the number to Smile Care on Monday and make an appointment for him.

Anyway, Karissa doesn't know what to think of her toy. LOL! But at least she's interested in it. If I find the Cat Nip I KNOW she'll really love it. I'm also waiting for the pix from the camera memory card to finish downloading. I don't think I'll mess with the flash drive until tomorrow. It's just nice to have things I need. But I spent way too much money. :-( That part sucks. But I'll make it work. I just have to be carefull for the rest of the month. I think I can do that.

Now it's time to close this up and check on the pix. But boy am I glad I'm not severely dehydrated anymore!

Something Is Wrong With Me

I think something is wrong with me. I woke up this morning around 5:00am to let Cassie in and sleep. Went back to sleep until 7:05am to get Cassie to school. I then came back and crashed all over again. I vaguely remember Cassie coming in after her half day of school to grab something, but I don't remember exactly what. I drifted back to sleep almost immediately and slept until 2:30pm or so. I could barely wake up though. I really just kept having to fight to stay awake. It took me like 15 minutes. I had to wake up because my mom needed to go to the bank. So I got dressed and took her. She gave me money for fuel which I really, really needed and then wanted to go to KFC for dinner.

That was nice. My mom bought a big old meal of 16 pieces of chicken. It was so we could have it for a late lunch and dinner. But by the time I got there I was sooooo thirsty. I mean, I was like, please get me a drink. You know, KFC gave me a decent sized cup for water. Not like the crappy little tiny baby cups they give you at McDonald's for water. But then I was also so fatigued I could barely move. I took the food and went out to the car as my mom finished paying and getting some water for herself and it was so hot out today too. Not as hot as it gets during the end of Summer, but OMG it was bad enough. So that drained me further.

By the time we got home, I couldn't barely stand up. I pulled the food out of the bags and then just about went down. I had to go sit. My mom was nice enough to make me a plate. I felt a little bit better after eating, but I was still just weak. I actually thought about calling for an ambulance, but I didn't. Jordan suggested I go lay down and see if that didn't help. Well, I laid down and went back to sleep again. Kept sleeping until around 7:30pm when Jason calls my mom and tells me I need to call him. It's very important. Well, he calls me before I can call him back and I find out that John sent some text to Cassie about "Mom's in the hospital with congestive heart failure and her kidneys are shutting down." Well, Cassie thought it was me he was talking about and she flipped out because she couldn't reach me. I ended up calling John and confirming the text because it got sent to me as well. Linda is going to have to go on dialysis and I don't know how long she'll last with congestive heart failure. You just get worse with it.

Anyway, I called Cassie back and reassured her that I was okay. She told me Jason had called and told her, but now she was crying about Grandma Linda because she doesn't want her to die. How she hadn't seen her in four years . . . She was really, really upset and it broke my heart.

After that, I watched some TV. Called Nicole and listened to her voicemail message for April Fool's Day. It's was funny. She's done it before where she starts talking and it takes a moment or so before you realize that it's just a recording and she tells you that. But it also turned out that her phone and dropped out of her pocket and into the toilet so she's punked herself today! It was funny to listen to, but that sucked. However, she called me back. Told me that her phone was okay. That it had been put into rice to help dry it out. It worked at least.

Then I checked a couple of things online and Jordan came in and told me he was hungry so we had our dinner. I out things together in cake pans and put them in the oven. I wish the microwave was working, but it worked out well. Together we ate watching "Pineapple Express" or part of it anyway. And the KFC was just as good as it was the first time around. By the time we were done we were full.

Anyway, I came back to my room to write this. I've watched the beginning of "Pineapple Express" now, but I'm again tired and think I'll be going back to sleep. I don't feel up to watching the funny pot heads. Maybe I'll eventually watch it all. But I think I want to go to sleep now. I am just too tired and too sleepy and maybe I need to go to the doctor if this continues. Guess we'll see how I am in the morning.

Too Little Sleep Makes a Loooonnnngggg Day!!

Well, today has been a long day. I slept like crap last night, but on the brightside my daughter spent the night! It was nice to have her here though she still doesn't want to fall asleep out in the family room alone so I sat out there with her until she fell asleep. She didn't sleep until late. Probably just not used to being here anymore, but that's okay. I woke her up and she was not easy to get up, but she did and I got her to school just in the nick of time. I don't generally like to be that late, but Cassie doesn't like getting there early. So I was being nice.

 

Anyway, after getting up I took my meds and a 5-hour energy, took her to school, came back and got ready for the gym. I was half an hour early for the water aerobics so I just swam laps until it started. I really do enjoy the classes. I won't go on the weekends though and the only thing that really sucks is a break out in rashes after being in that pool. I guess it's an allergic reaction to something in that pool water. My guess is it probably has a higher chlorine content. Needless to say I'm all itchy now. :-( I definitely need to contact my doctor and see what can be done about it because I'm not going to give up my water aerobics class.

 

Jordan and I FINALLY turned in the recyclables today and we got $15. We forgot to take the glass though so we'll be getting more money out of that maybe tomorrow. But with the money, I got us drinks, got us each a cheap sandwich - he got a double cheeseburger and I got a McChicken sandwich, then we each got a hot fudge sundae. They were only $1 a piece. Then with another dollar I had we went to Kahoots Pet store and got crickets for Tubbie our Fire belly frog. Guess he's actually a toad, but I think he looks like a frog! LOL! Then I put what was left into my car. It didn't get me a lot of fuel, but I have enough to make it to the 3rd, I think.

Cassie had her last visit with her therapist today. Not by choice, but the insurance won't pay for anymore sessions. But we did get a referral to a psychiatrist to really be able to deal with her anxiety. She is so much like me. She has this massive anxiety, but she's also very assertive. The bad thing is when people see you as assertive, they think you're confident and you don't have things like anxiety. But either way, we'll be getting her some real help. It's not that I want to see her on medication, but a lot of the days she's missed from school with stomach aches has been anxiety. I'm positive of it now. So maybe something might help her. It was funny because Jason said, "I don't want her on pills!" Her reply to him was "Well, I'm not afraid to take pills like some people!" Jason was prescribed with Paxil years ago and he was supposed to take. He's never taken a pill I don't think. He's paranoid about medication. And it's supposed to help with anxiety which he has too because he has panic disorder. Yeah, we're all a bunch of mentally ill people! LOL! Anyway, I was able to make an appointment with a pdoc for May, unless there's a cancellation. I'm thinking now we might finally get a handle on the anxiety for her and she won't have as much trouble going to school.

When I got home the toilet was stopped up. I tried to fix it and it didn't work. In fact, when I did it, it over-flowed the bowl. It was gross. My mother and I had to clean it up and we had Jordan try to unplug it. That was an experience I don't want to repeat anytime soon. All I can say is I did something wrong and I don't want to do it again! LOL!

Well, I just had dinner. It was pretty good. Polish Sausage, mashed potatoes and peas. My mom also made two pineapple upside down cakes!!! I love those! Needless to say dessert was awesome! LOL! Now I am completely exhausted. I've also had trouble breathing today like I can't catch my breath, but only when I move. I think I just stayed too long in the spa at the gym. This lady and I got talking and before I knew it 30-40 minutes had passed or so it seemed to be. She's a nice lady and I look forward to seeing her again. However, I'm going to hope that I get to sleep early tonight and I don't need meds. I'm running low on my ativan. But I'll survive. I always do.

My Daughter, My Aussie - What More Do I Need??

I ended up sleeping kinda late today. I slept until around noon. Got up and got my coffee. I also ate breakfast for a change since my mother had made me eggs with Linguica - a Portuguese sausage. It's good stuff. She then wanted me to take a package and some mail to the post office - have Jordan go in - since we were supposed to go that way anyway to take the bottles and cans to be recycled. Well, in the end she said she wanted to get out and would I take her to go to the post office. Of course! Dumb question, you know? So I took her there, but as she was in the post office, I can see the Recycling place and again it's CLOSED!!! I didn't bother calling today, but I was very aggravated all over again. I mean, I need the damn place opened!! Ugh! Ah well, not like I can do anything about it. All I can do is just see if they're open tomorrow.

When I got back I wrote on my schedule for a little bit and watched a bit of TV because I decided to let Jordan have the computer until about 3:00pm. Then once I had it back, I got on my chat programs and wrote with Patty B. In between writing I checked my Happy Aquarium and Happy Pets and started writing an email. Once it was time for dinner though, I told her I'd be back. My mom made roast beef with mashed potatoes and her gravy!!! Yummy! It was so good!! My mother had crushed the last strawberries we had and so we had those over vanilla ice cream. Oh it was delicious! But after that, I got back to writing with Patty B. Not long after, I got a text from Cassie telling me she needed to come over and ask me and Jordan questions. It was for science. It was about genetics. But they were funny questions, or at least some of there were like "Can you make a taco tongue" and "Can you make fish lips." It was fun! Then she decided that she wanted to sleep over tonight!! That was pretty cool, though I'm sure she was a bit aggravated with me when I was trying to get her to go to bed. I wanted her in bed by 9:30pm and I ended up letting her stay up until 10:00pm. And then it was another hour before she fell asleep. She is going to be tired and crabby.Ugh! But it's been great to have her here for the night. I let her play on the computer while I watched "Ghost Hunters." Because she took so long to fall asleep I also watched "Fact or Faked" which was really cool. A UFO video they tried to debunk and sure enough they actually figured it out and found out they were right. They tracked down who was responsible for what everyone had seen that night. As if that wasn't proof enough, when they had did the test that showed the same thing, the police were flooded with UFO calls. Even after being told it was stunt divers some people still believed it was a UFO! LOL!

Anyway, I stayed out with her until she fell asleep and now I'm in here getting ready to go to sleep. I am also so happy because I wrote to My Aussie and he wrote me back!! I LOVE to hear from him. He always makes me smile. I haven't told anyone that I'm writing him again even though no one would really care. I should have never stopped writing him, but when depression hits, sometimes it just hits bad. But I am trying to make it an every day thing to write him. He loves to hear from me and he tells me so. It's like even when my day is completely mundane he loves to hear about it because it says it makes him feel closer to me. Isn't that awesome?

Well, I suppose I'm going to take my night meds and go to sleep. It's been a decent day.

Oh What a Day!

Today was an important day or rather this morning I had an important appointment and I almost slept through it!! Thank God Susan was going with me and she called and woke me up. Otherwise I would have missed Cassie's IEP meeting (Individual Education Program). If I had missed it, it would have been two important appointments I would have missed. I don't know why my memory is sucking at the moment. It's bothering me a lot. There's no reason I should be scattered. None of my meds have been changed. I'm not under any specific stress. I was depressed but it eased up . . . so I don't know why I'm so scatter-brained.

Anyway, the IEP meeting went pretty well. Cassie's being moved out of Mrs. Mann's math class. Frankly Cassie doesn't like the woman and neither do I. Even Susan said there was something about her she didn't like. I didn't really pick up a bad vibe from her, but there is something that gives Cassie anxiety about her, so as far as I'm concerned that's enough for me to want Cass out of her class. So now she'll be in a smaller class and have more individualized attention. It's what she needs for Math. However, we also found out she'd been lying about doing homework. She'd say she didn't have any and it turned out she did!! So next week during Spring Break (which I'm pissed that it's not the week of Easter) she's going to catch up with her history and English. She doesn't have to worry about Math now since her class is being changed. Susan is going to make sure she gets that missing work done so that next grading period her grade will pull up because right now she's still failing which sucks because she's way smarter than that. But either way, it was a positive meeting. The couselor is putting in for AB2726 or whatever it is. It's basically therapy through the school district.  And that's if the program is even going to be continuing. But with Cassie's anxiety she really needs the help. I'm also going to ask her current therapist about getting a psychiatrist for the anxiety. Maybe they can put her on paxil like me. It's an anti-depressant, but it also works for anxiety. Guess we'll see what happens.

Since then I have been so tired. Jordan and I tried to take the bottles and cans in to get recycled and guess what?? The place was closed! I actually called the company that runs the place and they told me someone didn't come in to work, but that someone would be there tomorrow. I hope so! I want to take that stuff in. Get it out of my car and get some cash for it. We also have glass to take. I should get a decent amount for it. Jordan wants a cheeseburger so I promised him that. The rest will go for fuel . . . well, maybe a cheeseburger for me too! LOL! I was just so frustrated that they weren't open, but you know what? Shit happens. Tomorrow they'll be open!

I didn't write with Patty B today. I really just didn't feel up to it. I guess because I'm so freakin' tired. So instead I just worked on my schedule. I think I'm up to the end of September 2011. I'd like to be in December, but I'm working on it. I'll just keep going a little bit every day. I am still aggravated by that, but like I said before - shit happens.

Well, my mother made dinner. We had polish sausage, hashbrown potatoes and green beans. I made Jordan a plate because he asked me to. The best was the hashbrowns. My mom wants to get more of them since they were a hit with all of us. I ate mine with some BBQ sauce. Mmmmmm! I was pretty full after dinner. I still crave sugar though. Ah well.

After dinner I went back to my room and I watched reruns of "Destination Truth" before the new one came on and then "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen." I love these shows. I do have to say that "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen" really is a very cool show. I don't know how well it's doing with ratings, but I sure would like to see more of the show. But I do know SyFy isn't exactly the Food Network.

While writing this, Karissa growling in her sleep again. She growled a few times. I didn't wake her and now she's half awake, stretched across my size of the bed. LOL! Then when Cassie came home long enough to grab one of her school books Karissa meowed at her when she came in. Then she moewed as Jordan came in. She got petties from everyone. LOL! She is a very sweet and very spoiled baby kitty.

Anyway, I'm taking my meds and going to sleep. I am TIRED! Tomorrow I have to think about going downtown. Ick. I don't know. Guess we'll find out. Time for bed and stop thinking about crap.

Simply Simple Day

Today I actually woke up relatively early. Of course, I think I got to sleep shortly after midnight. I was really tired and I'm starting to get pretty tired right now. Which is a good thing, I guess. I'd like to be asleep just after 11:00pm.

Anyway, once I was up, I got my coffee and I actually took Jordan around to get job applications. We went to the Albertson's shopping center, the Vons shopping center, the 99 cent store shopping center and the Fresh N Easy Shopping center. We finally went home and then George needed a ride home. I finally told him to just call me Krystina instead of Ma'am. It's a sign of respect, but I like the more intimate feel of first names. It makes it more like friendship which I like better. Then after I took him home Jordan wanted to use the computer so I let him. I decided I wanted to work on my schedule only to realize that somewhere along the way I had gotten the wrong date. I had to track that down and fix it. But now it all looks horrible because of having to change eveything and make it right. That sucks. I know it doesn't matter in the big scheme of things, but it bothers me! I wanted it to look good! Oh well. At least it'll look good from now on.

I also made dinner or rather heated up left-overs but that works, right? I gave chicken and beans to Jordan and I took the rest of the Corned Beef. I didn't get through all the cabbage left! LOL! But I got a lot of veggies in there too. Jordan was supposed to do dishes but I think he did . . . ugh! He can be a pain in the ass that way. Never wants to do much of anything.  But I do have to say he took out Karissa's poop for me after I cleaned out her litter box. He also got her food for me and he brought me water. Though I think I need more water and since he's asleep now I'll have to go get it myself . . . wah! LOL!

Basically that's all I did. Now I'm winding down. I'm going to finish watching "Being Human" which is pretty awesome. Sally was almost exorcised, but she momentarily possessed the woman doing the ceremony and the woman got to see that her fiance (the one wanted this) had killed her. Sally's best friend who was dating him finally left him. Bishop killed most of the Dutch but one. Josh got his girl pregnant! And next week's episode looked fantastic! I'm going to watch "Stargate: Universe" now and hopefully go to sleep.

Tomorrow I have to see about going downtown to that stupid place for the welfare to work. I also want to go to the gym. Think I'll set the alarm for tomorrow. It's about time I go back to swimming. Maybe I'll call and make a Doctor's appointment. That sounds like a lot to do. Wonder if I'll get it all done or not.

Back to Being Ms. Mopey

Well, outside of being very tired, I was having a good day until I hear from Jason. He got all out of whack because Greg said he'd buy Cassie a new snake. You know, I don't know why he reads so much crap into it. He gets so fucking immature and jealous that it drives me nuts.

So then Cassie texts me that Jason is being an asshole. I asked if it was about Greg. She said yes. I told her to ignore him and that Greg would probably not come through with the snake for her anyway (which he hasn't produced the guitar he's been promising her over a year so . . ) Anyway, he got mad. She told me she hated me and that all the adults were just negative basically. I figured there was nothing more to say and I was actually upset that she'd write that she hated me. So I just said "Okay. Sorry. Nite." she then wrote me back "I love you. Goodnight." It really didn't make me feel better though. So I'm kind of mopey now. Tired and mopey.

Last night I couldn't sleep so I didn't fall asleep until about 7:00am and I took about 4 mg of ativan. That's a lot of ativan, but I just couldn't seem to sleep. My legs were restless and that kept me awake. The only thing I could think to do was medicate. It sucked. Anyway, then I was too tired and slept and slept. My mom woke me up around noon and I fell back to sleep for another 3 hours. Even then I didn't want to wake up. But I did and my mother and I went to the store. There were sales. So she gave me the stuff to get that was marked on the flier she had while she took her list. It didn't take me that long. So I grabbed a "Woman's World" magazine and a water and sat down to wait for her to appear. I drank almost the whole bottle of water. That's how thirsty I was. She complained about that a little,  but not too much. She bought quite a few things too.

Coming home, I finally got online and I got to write with Patty B stopping only long enough to eat french bread pizza, and I got to chat with Shaunn. He and I had more sexual talking. The man is HOT and he gets me hot!! LOL! Anyway, I've been very, very tired and right now I am too. I think I just need to grab something else to eat and then I need to try to sleep. We'll see if I sleep before I am done watching my shows. I watched a special "Hop" cake challenge on "Food Network Challenge." Then I watched the fourth episode of "Chopped All Stars" and this one was with previous judges! Now "Iron Chef America" is on. But it's a repeat I think. After that is "Cupcake Wars" but I don't think I'm going to be awake for it.

I guess as things stand now I am tired and mopey and definitely in need of sleep. I just hope tomorrow I'm over what Cassie texted and that I don't feel tired like I did today. Those are my goals. Guess they're good ones.

It's Good to Feel Good!

Woke up today feeling pretty good. I got my coffee and got online. I chatted with Patty B and we started writing on our story again. It's coming along nicely and I've really enjoyed writing it. But then I got a call from Jason. They had gone to the store. They were taking Cassie and Katie out of town for Nascar and they were taking Cassie's snake Silky, well, they put Silky's container in a place in the car that wasn't very good for him and he died. Cassie was devistated. But when Jason called to tell me, I didn't believe him. Susan didn't at first when he'd called her in the store. They came over to bury him in the front yard. I cried myself because I loved the little guy too. That and there's just something about baby animals dying that really, really gets to me. It's almost as if somewhere I'm blaming myself even though I had nothing to do with it. I know it doesn't make sense, but a lot of times my feelings don't make sense. I was kind of depressed for quite awhile after that. Poor Cassie wasn't crying when she got to the house, but her eyes were so red. They'll eventually get her another snake, but only when she's ready and they need to do a little more research I think. Or at least not put the container in a position for it to become an oven. And to be honest, it wasn't Cassie's idea to put him where they did. It just sucks. I know how much she's hurting.

After I said goodbye and they left my mom and I had ribs. George had brought them over and the boys had already eaten what they wanted so my mom and I got the rest. They were so tender and yummy! It was a nice treat.

I wrote with Patty B until 8:00pm and I was also talking to my friend Shaunn and boy did our conversation get HOT!! But earlier he actually read my "The Black Cat" and thought it was pretty good, so maybe it's not as boring as I thought. But he shared with me soom of his writing which is very sexually graphic and well . . . our converation got more personal. He shared that some of what he wrote was based off real incidents and just what he wants. I asked him to write something for me about him and I and oh, he did NOT disappoint! LOL! It was hot and I could just feel it as I read it. I can't remember the last time I had a conversation or even read anything like that. We talked about what it would be like to meet in person. I think one of these days it'll happen. And he thinks I'm beautiful at my weight. Or rather my weight isn't even an issue! That's always nice too.

I also wrote to My Aussie, but it's the weekend so I probably won't hear from him until sometime tomorrow which is his Monday. But I'm going to try to make it part of my routine to write to him. I think it's good for me to stay in touch with him because when he does write me back I am happy all day and into the next day. I guess it's just that much of a thing for him. Plus, he's a good friend. He cares and that's what matters.

Anyway, I finally had to say goodnight to Shaunn. I'm getting a bit tired. I needed to write my entry and I want to read through my story. I already fixed a bunch of errors in the prologue. Who knows, maybe I won't and leave it for tomorrow, but I guess I needed a cool down too! LOL!

Needless to say most of today was very good. I am still sad about Silky and probably will be for awhile. But at least I have so many other good things going on. Writing again with Patty B and getting back in touch with my online male friends has made a big difference too. Plus Aunt Flo is GONE for now. Next month I start extra Paxil a week before my period and during my period. It had better work! LOL!

Tomorrow is going to be more of the same I think. A lot of writing and just enjoying the day.  It's good to feel good!

Scatter-Brained Good Day

Today was a pretty good day and surprise, surprise my period is OVER!!! I was really starting to get concerned that the depression was going to keep hanging on, but I woke up today and was in a pretty decent mood! I got up, got my coffee, put on the TV and then got online. I turned on my Aim and MSN and sure enough Patty B was there. So we picked up where we left off.

During that time I also wrote to My Aussie, Nicole called and so I talked to her for a bit. I also asked if she'd write that mini article that needs to go into "The Black Cat" (I know, sucky title. That's why it's just a working title until I can come up with something better). I pulled up the story and started reading it again, but didn't get very far. I was distracted and also writing with Patty B. I also was able to play on Facebook. I took care of my virtual fish tanks and virtual pets. I do enjoy Happy Pets and Happy Aquarium. It's nice to have something to do between pauses when replies are being written or when the other is on a phone call. After all, real like intrudes. And we wrote for quite awhile together.

I did have to stop at one point and yell at Jordan. He and George were supposed to clean the bathroom. I told them as much when I picked up him and George from George's place. So when Jordan flat out told me he wasn't going to do it, I ended up using the leverage I had - George. I told them both that if it wasn't done George was going to have to leave. Guess what? It got done! I hate to be the mean mom, but I guess sometimes I have to be. Then I went back to writing.

I stopped long enough to have dinner. My mom cooked corned beef again. Yummy!! I ate two helpings! Then I went back to writing with Patty B until I got a phone call from Jason inviting me over. I'd been wanting to see my Cassie - especially with the new hair style so I told Patty B that I'd be on tomorrow and skiddadled to Jason and Susan's.

Cassie's hair looks fantastic!! I love it. It's definitely retro farah Faucet hair and it looks so good on her! Katie Belle was also spending the night or rather the weekend. Tomorrow they leave to go up to Fontana. Nascar race. Though I think it's just Jason going to that. I think the girls are going to go to the mall.  LOL! Or they'll swim in the pool at the hotel. Either way I know they're going to have a good time. So this was the last chance I'd get to see my baby girl until next week.

Wow I'm tired. I also feel really scatterbrained right now. All this week I have been forgetting things like my therapy appointment. I have been forgetting my phone more often than not. Just really scattered. In fact, I bet this sounds completely choppy. Anyway, I think I am going to finish watching "Merlin." I want to see what happens to this kid with magic going up against King Uther. I mean, you know nothing is going to happen to the King really. Just want to see how it'll play out for the kid. Then I'm taking my meds and I think I'll go to sleep. After all, tomorrow will be another day and with luck I'll actually be enjoying that one as well!

Okay, goodnight! LOL!

Meh . . .

I had a psychiatric appointment today with Dr. T. I was actually feeling okay with a little bit of depression, but I could feel it under the surface. I was hoping that it would go away once my period was over, but it's almost over and the depression has just gotten worse. I don't know if I'm in another depressive cycle. I hope not, but it really feels that way. But we'll see how I am tomorrow I guess.

Today was actually decent. I actually or rather finally downloaded MSN messanger again and AIM for XP. For the first time in months I wrote with Patty B! And we wrote for HOURS! I plan to do more writing with her tomorrow. I'm hoping it also jumpstarts my writing in general. I always had ideas when we were writing. So maybe my writing will get a big boost. We'll see.

I also got an Email from my Aussie!! I still have a thing for him! LOL! I guess I always will. Every time I see his name in my inbox I get a flutter and a smile crosses my face. So that was a stellar part of my day! So I have that to make me happy.

You know, maybe I'm just cycling badly. I'm not feeling as bad as I did a few minutes ago. But then in, I was distracted thinking about Ron. LOL! Maybe that should be my cure! Reading all his emails over and over again. :-D

The story Patty B and I are working on is pretty cool. My character for the most part was level-headed. An assassin, but I didn't have her kill anyone during what we wrote so far. She actually spent the time trying to help a 16 year old. Then she finally went back to work only to be kidnapped by a man thought responsible for killing her baby daughter. Turned out he didn't and that he'd been following her for years trying to keep her safe. Anyway, he wants to marry her and she's agreed. I'm thinking of having some kind of accident happen and her memory be wiped. It would make things more interesting for me and I want the drama in the story. LOL! I've also had an idea for another story, or maybe I'll combine it in here somewhere. And maybe transfer this into a fantasy story. Though I think I'd better save that for another story. I suppose it just depends on what's going on.

Anyway, outside of the writing I've watched the season finale of "Fairly Legal" and didn't like it. Well, I don't like cliffhangers. Everything was going wrong in Kate's life. It sucked. I also ate a container of strawberries. LOL! And I cuddled my Karissa. Her purr is so soothing! So that's about it for my evening. I think now I'm going to get a cheese sandwich, finish watched "Burn Notice" since it came on after. I believe it's last season's finale, which is cool. Then I'm going to take my meds and hopefully sleep. We'll see what happens.

Not so exciting, not so great of a day, but it'll do.

Depression Biting at My Heels

Today I slept late again. I suppose I should just accept that I am not going to wake up early unless I force myself to. But tomorrow I'm going to force myself I think. I also need to take Jordan around so that he can get job applications. So I do have things to do.

Though I woke up at 2:00pm again, I decided to finally get the oil changed in the car. I called the place and it turns out it's Carl Berger! I know this dealership! So it didn't give me too much trouble finding it once I realized what I was looking for. The bad news is I was looking at an hour and half to two hour wait, but it wasn't a big deal for me. I had my book and there was a woman there I spoke a little bit with. Then Jason was texting me too. Cassie was getting her hair cut and he was telling me about it. He also told me that they moved the litter box into the bathroom and the cats are having no trouble adjusting. SO Cassie may have her own bedroom within two weeks! I think that's awesome. They'll paint her room with the black chalkboard paint which I think is cool. Her snake can get moved into there too. I think it's going to be a good thing.

But here's the aggravating thing. My mom wants Cassie home and that she can have Jordan's room! When I tried talking to her about that a few months back her answer was a resounding NO because she didn't want Jordan in the family room! Ugh! You can't have it both ways. Either yes or no and now she can't change her mind. Plus, it won't stop my mom from being my mom and I don't want Cassie to be around her for long lenghth of time. Plus she has no friends around here and I couldn't take her to her friends' houses all the time.

It was nice. I wrote Ron and I heard back from him. I wrote him again and I hope I hear from him again. He said that I was a great parent because I was doing what was in Cassie's best interest and not in my own. It's nice to get reminded of that. That I'm thinking more of her than myself. I mean, I could have forced her to be with me. Instead, I'm letting her be somewhere that she'll have a better life and will grow up with less dysfunctions I hope.

Anyway, after the oil was changed, I apparently forgot that I had a therapy appointment!! Ugh! Dr. Tess didn't call me though and usually he does so I put in a call to him tonight. Hopefully he calls me tomorrow. I could use an appointment. Not that I am too bad off, but I feel depressed. Go figure. I think it's the PMS, but I'm sure it's also because I was writing to another friend about how I'd lost my writing on the computer twice. How I need to get a flash drive, but also how I haven't written since the Blue Screen of Death  where I lost my work - except "The Black Cat" which I sent to myself. But it's just sad. I guess it's just another chink in my armor taking my confidence  level down again. I just hope that doesn't mean this depression will continue. But I can't get a flash drive until April 3rd at the earliest. Who knows. Maybe I can get a printer too so that I have one that will work with my laptop, but I won't hold my breath. That might take another month. But I want to start having hard copies of my writing all over again. That's important to me.

Anyway, I played on Facebook for awhile. I was on Happy Pets, of course, checking and feeding all my virtual babies. I took care of my Aquariums in Happy Aquarium and then I also write Ron and Shaun. For dinner all I wanted was a can of beef tamales and my mom's cookie candy bars. Yum!! Then I watched "Ghost Hunters" which was cool. Not only did they have experiences but they used a dog named Maddie. She pickes up EMF easily. She's cool and I hope to see them use her more often. Looks like they're going to next month. Then I'm watching "Fact or Faked" with Jordan. It's a pretty interesting show. They did the photo of the second world war called the battle of Los Angeles. Watching that one was pretty cool. The second half was about an apparition on the Queen Mary. It was cool.

Well, I guess it's time to let Jordan have the computer. Nothing else is going on, We've spent time cuddling Karissa of course. She so loves Jordan! Not that she doesn't love me, but I'm always in the bedroom. But when Jordan comes in she always talks to him. It's so cute!! Anyway, time to boogie for now.

Destination Walmart

I woke up earlier today than yesterday. It was still in the afternoon, but not so bad - 12:30pm. Immediately I got up and got coffee. Aunt Flo was giving me problems that I had to deal with. Guys are lucky in the fact that they don't bleed for a week every month. Not that I would ever give up being a girl. Have a baby is the most incredible, life altering, miracle and I would never give up that ability though there will be no more children from my womb in this lifetime. LOL!

Again I really didn't do too much today. I put dishes away. Played on Facebook. This time I rescued another shy pet from my account's basket. Then I decided I wanted the Albino Siamese and the only way to get it was to have two more neighbors, so yes, I ended up creating two new accounts after all. LOL! But I had the extra email addies. I didn't have to create any knew ones! So I got my new backyard last night and put the wild cat and leopard cat. But today, I got another room. I decked it all out too! It's one of my prettiest ones ever! Anyway, she's a cute little thing. I believe I named her Starlight. Yeah, I'm crazy. Love my virual pets almost as much as I love my real ones. Tomorrow I need to pick up crickets for Tubbie. I've put it off these last two day, but he seems to be doing fine. But tomorrow he's got to eat. Then Karissa got some special organic food that I bought for her from Walmart believe it or not.

Yeah, my mom decided she wanted to get out of the house. Being sick for so long she was ready to get out just for a little while. What was great was on the way there she had us stop at Denny's again!! This time we had value slams, but I'll tell you ANY Denny's slam is good for me!

Walmart was not too crowded. I ended up getting everything my mom told me to get - I think she's going to be making some treats because she got chocolate chips, sweetened condensed milk and walnuts. I also asked my mom if I could check the clothing section. She said yes and I found exactly what I wanted; a Taz shirt that said "CAUTION Mood swings!" I also got to get a drink from the McDonald's and got to read a little bit. But it didn't take that long to finish and get out of there. But just that little bit of time was enough to tire my mom out.

When we got home my brother Tim was here. He had brought all kinds of fruits and veggies that he'd picked up at a little farmers market. The strawberries were good. I ate one of those. I think I might be grabbing an orange tonight too before I go to sleep. I preheated the oven and slid the chicken alfredo family dinner into it. Then I ended up going back to my room and playing back on Facebook. That was until it was time to take out the chicken alfredo. Dinner was good! Of course, I love that dish. I told Jordan to do the few dishes that were there. He didn't do them when I asked. I had to remind him tonight at 11:00pm. But at least they got done. We also had to help my mom make her bed. That bed is a pain in the ass to get the sheets down on. But we did it so my mom could go to sleep.

I was a little disappointed tonight though. I thought "Dirty Jobs" would be on tonight but for some reason it wasn't on. But on the upside I got to watch "Destination Truth" at it's first run time instead of waiting until 11:00pm for the encore. I also watched "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen" which turned out to be pretty awesome! He had to cater an event for this fantastic organization called "The Wildlife Weigh Station." It's a sanctuary for exotic pets. Marcel also suggested they have some of their animals there for the dinner and they did it. I was most impressed with the tiger! OMG! She was beautiful! Oh and the meal was a success.

Well, I'm getting a headache now. I think it's from my period. At least I can take tylenol if I have to though it didn't kick in last night for quite awhile. Guess I will just hop off here and take something to help. It was a pretty good day, I think.

Aunt Flo Complicating Matters

As usual, I slept like crap. No matter how tired I am I just can't seem to sleep when I want to sleep. Ugh! So I ended up sleeping until about 2:00pm or maybe 3:00pm, I think. I had woken up a couple of times, but I guess I chose to go back to sleep. I still hate waking up. Maybe that's something that might never change. I don't know.

Then as luck would have it, I started my period!! Oh happy day!! NOT! Or as others like to say, 'Aunt Flo has come to visit!' Still I didn't get all emotional the night before like usual. In fact, I didn't even know I started until . . . well, I finally saw the blood. Nice, huh? I thought maybe I would just have a period and feel normal. It wouldn't be the first time it's happened, but it would have been the first time in a LONG time. 

Anyway, I got breakfast. My mom had baked biscuits and oatmeal with raisins. It was good! Then I got on the computer. I didn't do any writing, but I played on Facebook. I decided that I was going to go to my accounts and release the shy pets in the baskets in Happy Pets. I also sent stuff to Paige and myself to help us with our barnes. Maybe eventually I'll get mine built. I suppose I'll have to create a few more accounts! LOL! That would be totally insane of me so not now.

My mom heated up the last of the Corned Beef ands Cabbage and she'd made a shepherd's pit. We finished off with the last of the Julian Apple Pie. Jordan and I watched the end of "Iron Man" while we ate. Then it was back on Facebook for me to try to finish what I started. But I played on it so much that Facebook started giving me problems and just about locked me out of my accounts! Then WHAM! Then emotions start up. My anxiety starts rising. I start feeling like I want to cry. I worry that I am locked out of my accounts forever . . . basically PMS started. Then the cramps started too. They weren't horrible, but bad enough. I am already taking 500mg of Naproxen twice a day and the cramps were getting through so I ended up calling my health plan's nurse advice line only to find out that I really needed to talk to a pharmacist. Turns out I can take Tylenol with it. Hope that works. And of course, I was trying to get my answers while trying to watch "Being Human" and "Stargate: Universe." Needless to say, I'm still awake and rewatching them, though I got the jist while watching the first time around. "Being Human" was about the elders coming to town in Aiden's world. Josh gets kidnapped to participate in a 'dog fight' as entertainment for them. Sally watches what happens not being able to do anything to help. It was a really good episode and I can appreciate now having watched it mostly through this time. For "Stargate: Universe" the part of the story I got the clearest was the Aelusian Alliance crashes their ship into 'Homeworld Command' and there's a bomb that has to be found and defused before it detonates. It was good from what I saw.

Anyway, again I'm tired. The PMS makes me tired too, but I doubt I'll sleep. It'll be the same as last night and the night before than and the night before that . . . But it won't stop me from trying. Oh, and I checked my Facebook and it's working fine again. No more fear of being locked out of my accounts.

Guess that's it. Tomorrow will probably be more of the same, except I'll be able to watch "Dirty Jobs," the premiere of "Marcel's Quantum Kitchen" and then "Destination Truth." It'll be a good night for TV if nothing else.

From Gentle Breeze to Fierce Winds

I ended up staying up late last night after all. I know, it's just how I am, I guess. It's something I will keep trying to change, but I made the mistake of turning on something that definitely ended up getting my attention. I thought I could sleep to it because of the narrator, but nope. It was just too unteresting. I think the show was called "Underwater Universe." Basically it means that it was hard to wake up. Finally Paige came in and woke me up around 11:00am. She was sweet and made one of my iced coffees for me. Paige is just such a sweetie. Eventually we went out and got something to eat. We had yogurt. Then back in the room we played on Facebook. It was so funny how many times we had to switch from hers to mine. But I was trying to bless her shy pet in Happy Pets. Seven blessings and the baby pet will come out. So I did that. Then she was a little disappointed because her baby was a duck and she wanted a bear. I had two of my accounts that had bears so I sent her one for adoption. She'll get it tomorrow. It was fun and funny! Paige also helped me with a couple of things in my room. She helped me get hangers and helped me hang up my clothes. Did laundry yesterday so I had a lot of clothes. It was definitely a great help. Then she also helped me fix the blankets on the bed. After that, she wanted to watch a movie - "Garfield: Tail of Two Kitties." I was working on my schedule as I worked on it. But eventually I got hungry for dinner. I think she was hungry too, but she just won't say anything. It kind of drives me up the wall! LOL! She was also adamant that she wanted to cook. She loves to cook. We decided on quesadillas. I pulled stuff out of the fridge and got the pan. I told her I'd do the salad. Not that that's very complicated. LOL! Lettuce in a bowl! I also asked my mom if she wanted anything and she wanted a quesadilla. But there was one snag. There were only six tortillas for four of us. Then Jordan came out and told me he was going out with his friends at 6:30pm so I figured his friends would take him out to eat. They usually do so he got one quesadilla. My mom got one then Paige and I got two apiece. It was good because I was really on the hungry side. Dinner turned out well.

After dinner was over, Paige and I went back to the room and finished watching the movie. Then we turned on the Food Network channel. She loves that channel too and likes "Chopped" so together we watched last week's encore "Chopped All Stars". Then "Food Network Challenge" which was pretty cool! They had to make an extreme demolition derby car. Then they had to do a cake remote controlled car! It was so funny because they had a demolition derby! We got to watch the little cake cars destroy each other! LOL! It was great! After that Paige and I started watching the new "Chopped All Stars" but her mom came and she didn't get a chance to finish watching it. I also watched "Iron Chef America" but it was a repeat and so I used most of the time working on my schedule. I got to August. But I would prefer to be in November or December with it. 

Today was also really windy. I kept waiting for the rain to hit, but for the most part it was just wind, wind, wind all day. Cassie called me and told me that she almost got hit by a tree when she went out walking dogs with her friends. That was kind of scary for me to hear, but at least she was okay. That was the most important thing for me. Eventually it did start raining though and boy is it raining now. It is just a total down pour. I like rain though so it doesn't bother me. 

Now I'm watching "Cupcake Wars" which I love. I'm tired though so we will maybe see about sleeping, but I doubt it will come as easily as I want. As usual.

I can say all in all a good day. My mood has been stable. I think maybe having Paige over made me feel a little better than usual. Anyway, think I will finish watching my show and chill out. Cross your fingers that sleep will find me! :-)

Another Day in the Life

I woke up at noon and I am so tired right now. Go figure. I thought I'd have no trouble staying awake, but I am very, very tired. I suppose ultimately a good thing. It's possible that I might actually get a good night's sleep though I won't hold my breath.

Today hadn't been terribly exciting, but it's been a good day. I woke up with a my phone ringing. I didn't pick it up. I thought I'd go back to sleep, but the phone rang again. Turned out the second call was Cassie asking if Paige could spend the night with me because they had just moved. Her sister was in trouble and not home and her mother has to work tonight and no one wanted her home alone. I thought for sure Grandma was going to say no, but turned out she said yes. So later that afternoon they brought Paige over.

When Paige got here I played on the computer on Facebook. Had to feed my  fish and my pets. Then I let Paige on to check on her pets. She bought a couple new pets too. After that, we didn't do too much. I let Jordan watch some of his videos in here while Paige and I talked a little bit. I'm letting Paige borrow "Flowers in the Attic" to see if she likes it. It's a good book. It might be too mature for her, but we won't know until she reads it. I also got some writing done of my schedule book. I got up to August 2, 2011. I like to be several months ahead of time. In fact, Ideally I'd like to be in December writing out the schedule. It's really more of a "To do" list. Things that need to get done almost every day.

I eventually got hungry so we went and ate the Corned Beef and Cabbage my mom had cooked. It was so yummy! I love Corned Beef and Cabbage. I'm glad I bought another one so we can have it again.

One of the things Paige and I did do was watch "Letters to Juliet" and as always it made me smile and cry. God I love that movie. Paige loved it too, which was nice. We could have watched "Inception" too, but I was just too tired. So I helped get the bed ready for her and wanted to just write this entry and go to bed, but Jordan was still on it. He told me he was going to be about 20 minutes until the video he was watching would be over. Well . . . 40 minutes later he STILL hadn't brought my laptop to me so I let him know how aggravated I was. While I waited I worked on the schedule. Finally, he brought it, but while I was trying to write this, he and I have also been playing with Karissa. First she kept watching this spoon Jordan was sliding down an open spiral of mine. Then I decided to put some catnip on the bed and there was the serious fun as we watched her roll all over being cute and playful. She even grabbed her tail to attack it with her feet. It was too funny!Now she's just chilling. I think it tuckered her out. We love her so much.

Anyway, not sure what we're going to do tomorrow. But I know we'll come up with something. If nothing else there is always "Inception."

Rating for Today: Better Than Average!

Last night I should have set my alarm, but luckily my mother woke me up in time to get dressed, grab coffee and get out the door to get her to her doctor's appointment. I got her there with 10 minutes to spare! So timing was very good. While I waited for her to get done seeing the doctor, I went across the way to Walmart. I didn't really do much. I just kind of looked around at the different things that interest me, but all in all, I ended up at the McDonald's there with a $1 drink and a book. I started reading "State of Fear" by Michael Crichton, but I've literally only just started it. I got several pages into it when she called me to pick her up. Then as I'm driving, I get a call from Calworks that told me I'm supposed to go to some orientation when my doctor cleared me from doing this for a year as I work on getting things set to permanent. I can't end up back in the hospital again! It would help my case even more, but I don't want to go into the hospital! Anyway, I am going to have to make some kind of noise over this and see what happens. Just the thought of being forced into this situation makes me start shaking and panicky. I can't go through weeks or months of it like I tried before. I just can't! I don't think I'd survive it.

Anyway, so I'm trying to take this call and pick up my mom. Not the smartest thing to do while driving, but it was more difficult trying to keep her quiet while I finished the call. Finally I did and then I finally explained it to her. For some reason she thought I was talking to Susan or Greg or someone. I can't remember now. But I was still pretty upset, though I don't think I showed it too much. Probably came out as irritation more than anything else.

My mom came out with prescriptions so I ended up taking her to the pharmacy and she treated me to breakfast at Denny's. Instead of just getting the value slam, she had both of us get Build-Your-Own-Slams. It was great. I got pancakes, hashbrowns, sausage links and oatmeal. I know it's a strange combination, but boy was it delicious! That put me in a better mood. Of course, good food always brings a good mood! Of course, what sucked was the fact that my first finger on my right hand . . . the nail came off at the quick when I went to move my chair. Even now it's hard to type, but I'm over it. I'll get better.

When I got home, I really didn't do too much. Actually, since Jordan had the laptop I decided that I would write notes for one of my stories since I'd come up with a change I want to make when I rewrite it. Needless to say that kept me kind of busy. I'd had Jordan pull out ground turkey for dinner. Originally I thought I would make Shepherd's Pie but Jordan and I decided on spaghetti instead. After dishes were washed from earlier I started dinner. What I think is funny is that when my mom makes spaghetti there is usually some left. When I make spaghetti there is rarely any left. I don't do a lot of things well, but making spaghetti is definitely one of the things I do very well! Then we also finally got into the Julian Apple Pie I got for the $5 and OMG!! It was so worth it! It would have been worth the $15 if I'd had to pay that much. Maybe I'll get one every month now as a treat for all of us. I'm going to do my best to cut out snacks again. I was pretty good for awhile, but the last two months have been bad for snacking. I eat a night and I need to stop that. Anyway, the pie was fantastic! And I have to say that it was kinda nice to do the cooking. Even though my back is not appreciating it much! LOL!

After dinner I took the time to clean out the litter box. I mean, let's face it. It NEEDS to get done! Especially with it being in my room. Plus, I'm sure my baby appreciates it. What I think is so funny though, is that when Karissa gets out of the room when she shouldn't Jordan makes his noise and chases her back into the room and then she talks to him! In fact, sometimes when he just comes into the room she'll talk to him! :-) It is so cute!!! I think she's starting to figure out that she doesn't go out of the house when it's dark. LOL! But she doesn't get it completely yet. She's such a good baby.

And last of all, I have watched some GREAT TV today. I saw an episode of "House" that had to be pretty recent and it just about broke my heart! He gets rejected by Cutty AND he goes back on Vicodin . . . I just wanted to cry! :-( Then Jordan and I watched a couple of episodes of "NCIS" which were pretty good. But I decided I wanted to see if Syfy would have full episodes of "Stargate: Universe" which they did!! I was so excited because then I got to watch Monday's Episode which I missed! That was so awesome! There was a second Dr. Rush,  a second Destiny and only one set of the crew alive. However, they also killed off Col. Telfort. It was a riveting episode. It's crazy that Telfort is dead. Go figure.

At the moment, I'm watching "Dan Meltzer's Decoded" about DB Cooper. I find it so interesting. I think they had it right. This guy Kenny Christiansen fits almost everything about it. Even the picture of him was so similar to the sketch of DB Copper! I mean, come on!! That has to say something! Of course, it's all circumstantial, but . . . well . . . if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck . . . The last thing I want to watch is the last "Fairly Legal" because I missed that last night and I'm pretty sure it's up. But I'm also getting pretty tired so I might save it for tomorrow because Saturday's are usually deserts when it comes to TV. Guess we'll find out. I think I'll just take my night meds, finish watching about DB Cooper and go to sleep.

Rating for today: Better than Average! ;-)