I grew up being bullied and put down by my mother where everything was someone else's fault or it was my fault. She ruined my self-esteem and my feelings of self worth. She was always after me - why didn't I do that right? How could I do this? If I didn't do what she wanted she would go to all HER children and say how awful I was. When I would confront her, it was always my fault or I would hear, "If you don't like it, then change!" As if that made her emotional abuse of me okay. But now that I am out of her house and on my own I feel free. She is or has very narcissitic tendencies. She has no empathy for others. You should only care about how things effect her and so on. It was always about her and what she wanted. It was never about how I felt. It took me years, but I finally started finding my self-esteem again. It's not an easy road, but I will continue to work on myself for the rest of my life.
I don't believe my mom is a full-blown Narc, because she's also co-dependent. But the damage she did and how she acted was like a Narc. Also I should mention that her children are too. Plus my Ex Husband was as well. Though I have some B Cluster Personality traits, I don't fall into any particular category. Plus I work on myself to better the kind of person I am every day.
This is what I found about Narcissists:
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissism is a term used to describe a focus on the self and self-admiration that is taken to an extreme. The word "narcissism" comes from a Greek myth in which a handsome young man named Narcissus sees his reflection in a pool of water and falls in love with it.
Narcissistic personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called "Cluster B" or "dramatic" personality disorders. People with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions and a distorted self-image. Narcissistic personality disorder is further characterized by an abnormal love of self, an exaggerated sense of superiority and importance, and a preoccupation with success and power. However, these attitudes and behaviors do not reflect true self-confidence. Instead, the attitudes conceal a deep sense of insecurity and a fragile self-esteem. People with narcissistic personality disorders also often have a complete lack of empathy for others.
What Are the Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
In many cases, people with narcissistic personality disorder:
- Are self-centered and boastful
- Seek constant attention and admiration
- Consider themselves better than others
- Exaggerate their talents and achievements
- Believe that they are entitled to special treatment
- Are easily hurt but may not show it
- Set unrealistic goals
- May take advantage of others to achieve their goals
Other common traits of narcissistic personality disorder include the following:
- Preoccupation with fantasies that focus on unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or love
- Belief that he or she is "special" and unique, and can only be understood by other special people
- Expectation that others will automatically go along with what he or she wants
- Inability to recognize or identify with the feelings, needs, and viewpoints of others
- Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
- Hypersensitivity to insults (real or imagined), criticism, or defeat, possibly reacting with rage, shame, and humiliation
- Arrogant behavior and/or attitude
Continue reading below...
What Causes Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
The exact cause of narcissistic personality disorder is not known. However, many mental health professionals believe it results from a combination of factors that may include biological vulnerabilities, social interactions with early caregivers, and psychological factors that involve temperament and the ability to manage stresses. Some researchers believe that narcissistic personality disorder may be more likely to develop when children experience parenting styles that are excessively pampering, or when parents have a need for their children to be talented or special in order to maintain their own self-esteem. On the other end of the spectrum, narcissistic personality disorder might develop as the result of neglect or abuse and trauma inflicted by parents or other authority figures during childhood. The disorder usually is evident by adolescence or early adulthood when personality traits have become consolidated.
How Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Diagnosed?
Personality, by definition, involves stable traits that develop over time. If physical symptoms are present, a doctor may undertake a medical history and physical exam. There are no lab tests that diagnose personality disorders, but if someone has experienced a change from their usual personality, a doctor may order diagnostic tests, such as neuroimaging or blood tests, to rule out a neurological or other physical illness as the cause of a change in personality.
If the doctor finds no physical reason for the symptoms, he or she would likely refer the person to a psychiatrist or psychologist, health care professionals who are specially trained to diagnose and treat mental illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists use specially designed interview and assessment tools to evaluate a person for a personality disorder.
How Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder Treated?
There is no known cure for narcissistic personality disorder, but psychotherapy (a type of counseling) might help the person learn to relate to others in a more positive and rewarding way. Long-term psychotherapy tries to provide the person with greater insight into his or her problems and attitudes in the hope that this will change behavior. The goal of therapy is to help the person develop a better self-esteem and more realistic expectations of others. Medication might sometimes be used to treat the distressing symptoms, such as behavioral problems, that might occur with this disorder, but medicines are not the mainstay of treating personality disorders.
What Complications Are Associated With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
People with narcissistic personality disorder might abuse drugs and/or alcohol as a way of coping with their symptoms. They may also have problems in relationships and in work or school performance.
What Is the Outlook for People With Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
The prognosis depends on the severity of the disorder and the degree to which people who seek treatment recognize problems within themselves and desire to change aspects of their personality that may be maladaptive.
I have also a woman that I thought was a previous friend that fits a lot of this, but she also, I believe has something else - Histrionic Personality Disorder. We had a falling out FIVE YEARS ago. I wrote her once last year extending an olive branch to maybe mend fences. She turned around and blocked me. I let it go, but I did check up on her pages, but something hit me one day after giving my life to God to just let things go. I did, but then in July I wanted to congratulate her on getting a book published. So I wrote her one more time. She gets one of her son's friends to harass me online on one of my accounts (I don't block what I have to say from anyone), in fact, it was as mean as it could be. I was shocked and decided to leave her alone and I did for the most part, but something kept nagging at me so I found her blog. She said I was stalking her. That I was going to come after her! Yeah, I looked at her pages online, but I have NEVER made a threat to her that I was EVER going to hurt her or track her down. I could care less. But then she gets another of her son's friends to attack me again on one of my other pages and tells me that now she's dying because of me. That I am giving her blood clots! Ugh! Over two friendly letters I get this crap? But now I can honestly say we were never friends. You can't be real friends who can't think of anyone else besides themselves. Who have to be the center of attention and create drama every day of their life.
Here's something about Histrionic Personality Disorder:
Things Histrionic People Do
1. THEY NEED CONSTANT REASSURANCE & APPROVAL.
People with HPD are sensitive to disapproval. If you suggest they may have done something wrong, it upsets them tremendously. However, if they suggest there's something wrong, they want you to pity them and fix whatever it is. (This behavior is somewhat narcissistic, and therefore, may vaguely resemble the behavior of narcissists you know, but narcissists are not insecure in the same way -- narcissists do not wish to gain reassurance as much as they expect your approval; narcissists believe everything they do is perfect as is.) Histrionic people want your constant attention, help, and support for their dramas. Generally, narcissists just want your admiration and obedience. Histrionic people have an inexhaustible need for continual reassurance, acceptance and consolation. They have an unquenchable thirst for attention, and frequently, this takes the form of seeking a tremendous amount of ongoing support and empathy.
2. THEY CREATE DRAMA.Histrionic individuals are addicted to drama. If there's no drama for a few minutes, they will manufacture some drama out of nothing at all. Is everything going fine? That's got to change! They (and you) never have any true peace, because histrionic people find the lack of drama far too boring. If drama does exist, they feed on it, extend it, fan the flames, give all their energy to it, and foster it as long as possible. If there's a shortage of drama, they will go to any length to get some going -- they will even even flat-out lie -- to generate something. Everything is a "big deal", and you cannot suggest otherwise, or else, now it's an even BIGGER deal because you're denying that it's something truly worth getting all upset over!
3. THEY'RE INAPPROPRIATE.
It's not uncommon for people with HPD traits to be very inappropriate sexually. Their boundaries are usually unhealthy and the rules are hazy (or completely non-existent). Behaviors involving seduction, attraction and sexual activity and contact are common among histrionic people, and these poor sexual boundaries can create a lot of emotional upheaval for people in their circle of influence. Because histrionic individuals are addicted to attention, inappropriate sexual attention may often be sought, and the most inappropriate attention is foisted upon the most inappropriate people in the most inappropriate scenarios. Provocative attire, out-of-line propositions, infidelity and out-of-control flirtatiousness is common. It has been noted that despite their overabundance of inappropriate sexual behavior and provocation, ironically, many histrionic people suffer from sexual dysfunction and other significant difficulties with intimacy.
4. THEY TALK A LOT.
Talking is one of the easiest ways to capture and maintain peoples' attention, and histrionic people love attention, so excessive talking is often seen in people with HPD traits. The two most highly-favored topics are themselves and their current drama; however, if that fails to gain attention, whatever topic works will be used. HPD people are often (but not always) very gregarious and chatty, and frequently interrupt and dominate conversations, having little patience for topics not central to their reality. They have a limited or non-existent ability to discuss matters in detail. They communicate in big broad strokes, and their listening skills are generally very weak. Contemplative introspection isn't at all likely. Masters of the attention-grabbing sound bite, they perceive things on a grand scale and do not go beyond the outside surface of topics, and dramatic topics are preferred. Talkative histrionic people love to talk; however, not typically about the nuances of Shakespeare, your vegetarianism, creative knitting patterns, aviation terminology or the economy -- at least not in any kind of detail. Expect to hear sweeping and dramatic sound bite-style tidbits about celebrity gossip, their most recent grave difficulty, the newest dance move, or some kind of tragedy instead.
5. THEY MANIPULATE FOR ATTENTION.
Most everything histrionic people do is to get the most dramatic attention possible. What they wear, what they say, what they do (or don't) how they do everything - is all designed to garner the maximum amount of attention. Stretching the truth and lying are common among people with histrionic traits, as is manipulation and game-playing. Nothing must get in the way of their regular supply of dramatic issues, attention, discord and conflicts, sexual tension, rumors, big to-dos, claims of everything falling apart, and needing lots of empathy, approval, or significant assistance from others. Many histrionic people will tell lies to see these goals met, so lies, half-truths and even downright full fabrications are commonly seen in people with histrionic traits.
People with HPD are sensitive to disapproval. If you suggest they may have done something wrong, it upsets them tremendously. However, if they suggest there's something wrong, they want you to pity them and fix whatever it is. (This behavior is somewhat narcissistic, and therefore, may vaguely resemble the behavior of narcissists you know, but narcissists are not insecure in the same way -- narcissists do not wish to gain reassurance as much as they expect your approval; narcissists believe everything they do is perfect as is.) Histrionic people want your constant attention, help, and support for their dramas. Generally, narcissists just want your admiration and obedience. Histrionic people have an inexhaustible need for continual reassurance, acceptance and consolation. They have an unquenchable thirst for attention, and frequently, this takes the form of seeking a tremendous amount of ongoing support and empathy.
Note: A need for excessive reassurance is also seen in Dependent Personality Disorder.
2. THEY CREATE DRAMA.Histrionic individuals are addicted to drama. If there's no drama for a few minutes, they will manufacture some drama out of nothing at all. Is everything going fine? That's got to change! They (and you) never have any true peace, because histrionic people find the lack of drama far too boring. If drama does exist, they feed on it, extend it, fan the flames, give all their energy to it, and foster it as long as possible. If there's a shortage of drama, they will go to any length to get some going -- they will even even flat-out lie -- to generate something. Everything is a "big deal", and you cannot suggest otherwise, or else, now it's an even BIGGER deal because you're denying that it's something truly worth getting all upset over!
3. THEY'RE INAPPROPRIATE.
It's not uncommon for people with HPD traits to be very inappropriate sexually. Their boundaries are usually unhealthy and the rules are hazy (or completely non-existent). Behaviors involving seduction, attraction and sexual activity and contact are common among histrionic people, and these poor sexual boundaries can create a lot of emotional upheaval for people in their circle of influence. Because histrionic individuals are addicted to attention, inappropriate sexual attention may often be sought, and the most inappropriate attention is foisted upon the most inappropriate people in the most inappropriate scenarios. Provocative attire, out-of-line propositions, infidelity and out-of-control flirtatiousness is common. It has been noted that despite their overabundance of inappropriate sexual behavior and provocation, ironically, many histrionic people suffer from sexual dysfunction and other significant difficulties with intimacy.
4. THEY TALK A LOT.
Talking is one of the easiest ways to capture and maintain peoples' attention, and histrionic people love attention, so excessive talking is often seen in people with HPD traits. The two most highly-favored topics are themselves and their current drama; however, if that fails to gain attention, whatever topic works will be used. HPD people are often (but not always) very gregarious and chatty, and frequently interrupt and dominate conversations, having little patience for topics not central to their reality. They have a limited or non-existent ability to discuss matters in detail. They communicate in big broad strokes, and their listening skills are generally very weak. Contemplative introspection isn't at all likely. Masters of the attention-grabbing sound bite, they perceive things on a grand scale and do not go beyond the outside surface of topics, and dramatic topics are preferred. Talkative histrionic people love to talk; however, not typically about the nuances of Shakespeare, your vegetarianism, creative knitting patterns, aviation terminology or the economy -- at least not in any kind of detail. Expect to hear sweeping and dramatic sound bite-style tidbits about celebrity gossip, their most recent grave difficulty, the newest dance move, or some kind of tragedy instead.
5. THEY MANIPULATE FOR ATTENTION.
Most everything histrionic people do is to get the most dramatic attention possible. What they wear, what they say, what they do (or don't) how they do everything - is all designed to garner the maximum amount of attention. Stretching the truth and lying are common among people with histrionic traits, as is manipulation and game-playing. Nothing must get in the way of their regular supply of dramatic issues, attention, discord and conflicts, sexual tension, rumors, big to-dos, claims of everything falling apart, and needing lots of empathy, approval, or significant assistance from others. Many histrionic people will tell lies to see these goals met, so lies, half-truths and even downright full fabrications are commonly seen in people with histrionic traits.
Note: Not all people with HPD will do all these things, and some of these things are occasionally done by people without HPD. This list is not exhaustive; these are simply some common examples.
Well, I suppose I was so used to drama at my own house growing up it seemed natural. A lot of this fits her, but five is definitely her without a question. The other traits have been there though, through her life at different stages.
What I have learned is that you can only control yourself and if someone tries to control you as a parent, sibling, friend or husband and they need you to be tuned into them constantly, then something is wrong. Never let anyone define who you are as a person. People like these cause more harm than most people would think and leave scars that last a lifetime. What's good as we can heal it as best we can. You can forgive, but don't forget. Not ever.
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