I am so happy to feel more like myself today. Being without my Invega was very hard and messed me up for awhile, but I feel back to normal which is a GREAT thing! :-) I woke up really early this morning, but I think it was because I wanted to make sure Cassi got off to school. She fought me a little bit, but I held firm and she went! :-) I just want her to go and learn, catch up . . . She can do it, she just needs to apply herself. And with the new medication she's supposed to start on Monday, things should start getting better for her. Prozac worked for Jordan and works for me too (in a low dose), so chances it will work for her too. I started feeling better within a week and I noticed a difference in Jordan in a week of taking it, so even though it takes 6 weeks to reach full effectiveness, I hope to see some improvement within the first week. That's what I hope for with her. Anything to pull her out of the depression she's been in for so long.
Anyway, after Cass went to school, I stayed awake. I made myself some cold pumpkin spiced coffee. Actually half caff. LOL! I brewed the pots with both decaf and regular coffee and the pumpkin pie spice yesterday. It always tastes so much better the next day. I guess it gives the spices enough time to seep into the coffee.
After that, I got onto the computer for awhile. I posted on my FB pages - "Overcoming Abuse," "Traditional Holidays Through the Year," and my Writings page. I even looked up articles on how to boost self-esteem and stuff on mindfullness. I want my "Overcoming Abuse" page to really be about not just learning that it wasn't your fault you went through abuse, but also ways to cope with the aftermath. I might share my story at some point, but there is so much to tell. Plus my memory isn't the greatest, especially about the abuses. Don't get me wrong, I remember them, but there's a lot I don't remember like exactly when things happened. I can just tell you they did happen. I had to deal with low self-esteem most of my life. I had to learn to be assertive and it took a LONG time before I thought of myself as a good parent or even just a good person. I can honestly say that now I'm away from my abusers I feel so much better. I have become a person that I enjoy waking up to! I like me now! :-)
I also got some time in with Jason before I had to take him to the trolley. I like when we having times in the morning. We get to talk. We get each other since we both struggle with some off the same things and knowing and understanding how someone feels is key to a close relationship. We are close. We've know each other and been close friends for 18 years! :-)
I came back from dropping him at the trolley and made myself more coffee. I started cleaning the stove. It was in serious need of a cleaning. LOL! I also decided to scrub the sinks, but they didn't get as clean as I wanted them to. Guess the only other thing I can do is try lots of bleach and let it sit for a few hours! I also baked some muffins - triple berry chocolate chip. They turned out pretty well! I'm glad I made them!
I also did my other chores. I cleaned out the cats, washed Karissa's dish out, I did more on the computer posting in my groups on FB. I also decided I was going to write a Flash Fiction only I made it a Flash Non-Fiction. I wrote about the last physical fight John and I got into. I made it quick because it was a Flash story (between 100-300 words long). But it was what it was - a blurry remembrance of the traumatic event. It actually started a discussion on a writing group I'm in.
I have to say one of the best ways to put myself in a better mood is to smile at myself in the mirror in the morning. Adding a silly face after makes me smile more. It can help for sure! Something to try when you feel down. Just don't back down and convince yourself you can't do anything, because when you force yourself and get something done you feel better about yourself. I know it works for me.
I also talked to my therapist. We had a phone session. It ended early because I said everything I needed and he offered his take. I touched on an event that's OVER. I talked to him about Cassi and just life in general - how it had been without the Invega and how better I feel on it. I love talking with him because a lot of times it gives me clarity of thought. That's always a good thing.
What's funny is I never thought I would be a Betty Domestic. I am still a slob, but I like to take care of things. I like a clean kitchen. I love to bake and cook! I am serious about taking care of my pets - family. I am happy and I feel loved and appreciated here. I am not judged or criticized. Who would have thought that just being happy and feeling needed and wanted could turn me into one - or as much of one as I can be and still be me! :-)
I made dinner tonight too. I made a Chicken Buffalo Rice dinner - two packages Buffalo Chicken flavored rice, a can of chunk chicken breast and steamed carrots mixed together and served with ranch dressing on top. :-) It as so good!! Jason didn't want any, but he's not big into spices. Not that it's very hot. LOL! He's had it before and liked it. Guess tonight he wasn't in the mood. But I ended my meal with some of the cherry chocolate cobbler I made the other day. It is still so good! Yum! Next time I should heat it a little bit. Mmmmmmmm!
Well, I guess that's it for this day! On to the Next!!
No comments:
Post a Comment