(Denise)Chapter 1
Brianna Didn’t Know If She Was Going To Make It Off Base. She Was Worried That He Was Going To Come After Her. She Hoped And Prayed That She Could Get Off The Marine Base Camp Osborne, And That The M.P.’s Would Believe Her if They Stopped Her And That The M.P. Was A Friend That Worked With Her Brother Jamie.
Brianna Started Remembering How She And Bobby First Meet For The Fristtime.As The Tears Started Running Down Her Face. She Thought He Was So Nice. When She Went to The Base To Meet With Her 5 Brother’s For Lunch Three time’s a week. Mark Her Oldest Brother 38 years Old, And The Youngest Gunnery Sergeant. He Was 6 Feet 2 ½ Inches tall And Very Thin He Just Started Wearing Glasses Recently And His Girlfriend Ali Was One Of Her Best Friends.
Mark Had Called Her Before She Left Her Company To Find Out Where To Meet Them For Lunch. She Grew Up On The Base Because Her Dad Was A Retired Marine And They Where Always Going To The Base, All Of Her Brother’s Where In The Marines And Stationed On The Base All Over The Place So They Would Just Meet In One Place For Lunch Instead Of Here Driving All Over The Base.
Brianna Started To Feel Like She Was Going To Pass Out.She Needed To Stay
Awake Because She Hoped And Prayed That If She Was Stopped For Anything That They Would Believe Her About What Bobby Had Done To Her. Brianna Grabbed Her Cell Phone And Went Through Her Phone Book And Found Her Friend Rayna she pushed The Button Of Her Cell Phone She Knew If She Talked To Her Friend That She Would Stay Awake And Get Of The Base And Get Her Best Friend To Meet Her And Get Her Help That She Needed.
Brianna Remembered Mark Calling And Asking For her “To Meet All Of Them At Taco Bell”. She Told Him “Sure, Why We Ate Their Two Days Ago.” Mark Told Her
That He Wanted to Introduce To Bobby Alex Anderson Who Had Just Joined His Command.” She Told “Ok I’ll Meet You At The Regular time.” She Was Very Surprised How Nice He Was When They First Meet That Day Three Weeks Ago. What Had Change In Him?
Listening As Her Cell Phone Called One Of Her Three Best Friend’s in the Whole World. And They Were Always There For Each Other No Matter What.
“ Hi You Have Reached Rayna’s Machine I’m Out leave A Message And I Will Get Back To You.”Brianna Hung Up The Phone Without Leaving A Message.
When I was helping her, I was doing the writing for the character of Rayna. So here's part of Chapter 2, which I wrote. You can make your own decisions how good it is or not. But I will say that this wasn't my project. I thought it would be fun to do when I wasn't working on my own stuff, but then she got so obsessive . . . Me backing out of the project is what caused her to dump me as a friend. Nice, huh? Of course, what can I expect from a woman that will abuse her kids over this. Anyway, here's a sample of my work for comparison. But let me say again, this was not my project so my full heart wasn't in it. LOL! In other words, it's not some of my best work.
(Me)Chapter 2
The last week had been a difficult one for Rayna Blackmoure as December had entered its first week. This was always an emotional part of the year for her so her moods had been all over the map. She would swing between being all right, then angry . . . sad . . . Usually she'd been able to keep it under control and keep the memories at bay. She even took medication . . . But for whatever reason, this time it was not working and it was affecting her ability to concentrate. It didn't help that her publisher was on her case to see the first three chapters of her next book - Not that the rest of it was due anytime soon. But he had been spoiled by her. Usually once she presented him with a story, she had no trouble writing out a concept for it or the first several chapters. Yet this time was different. It all seemed so much harder. And he wanted to see the first three Chapters as soon as possible, which for him meant immediately. She had definitely spoiled him, she thought, and it was aggravating.
Finally, she had decided to take the day for herself as a last ditch effort to relax and try to concentrate. She disconnected the house phone and kept her cell on vibrate. She'd spent the morning keeping to her usual activities, but as evening approached, she had fixed herself a rum and coke and slipped into the warm waters of the spa in her own back yard. She soaked until she could feel a lot of the tension in her neck ease. But it didn't take away everything. After all, memories were like cave drawings. They were there to stay forever. What she needed to do was to take these whacked out emotions of hers and push them into the current story concept she was working on. It’s what she did time and time again. But this time . . . this month . . . this time of the year . . . It was different.
Getting out and drying off, Rayna decided to order in some Chinese. Changing into some warm clothes, she lit some candles in her office. As soon as the food arrived, she took it with her to the computer and blarred the music from her iPod in her ears trying to blot out the world around her.
It was a serious struggle, but after a few hours Rayna had managed, between bites of shrimp with lobster sauce and sweet and sour almond duck, to write several pages. It was a good start, she thought as she re-read what she had written; Chopsticks standing in a container of food still not quite eaten. Quickly saving the edits, she closed out the Word program and finally shut off her iPod, removing the ear phones.
It was only moments after raising the volume on her cell when it began to play "Lil' Red Riding Hood" indicating the call was from someone not in her contact list. Looking at the number, her brows knit together. It wasn't one she recognized and the caller wasn't identified.
"Hello," she answered with uncertainty.
"This is Highway Patrol dispatch for Temecula," the voice said. "Is this Rayna Blackmoure?"
"Yes," she answered even more unsure and hesitant. "What is this about?"
"You're listed as an emergency contact for Brianna Lancing and she's just been taken to Inland General Hospital."
Rayna's green eyes grew large with shock. "Oh my god! What happened?? Is she okay??"
"I'm sorry, that was the only information I was given," she said with sincerity. " But I'm sure the hospital will have more information for you."
"Thank you," Rayna said quickly and closed the phone.
Immediately, she pocketed the phone, ran toward her bedroom to grab her purse, keys and blue tooth. As soon as she had it in here ear she pulled her cell back out and placed a call to Jenna McKenzie . . . Her first try was unsuccessful, but the next number she tried - the number to Jenna's folks, she was able to reach her.
"Something's happened to Brianna," she said. "She's at Inland General Hospital."
So there you have it. Comparison of our writing. I might not be the best writer in the world. This isn't some of my greatest work either, but I'd like to think I'm better than Denise and I have no illusions about getting published, getting money and I certainly have no thought of going on book signing tours . . . and I DEFINITELY would NOT abuse my kids over my writing . . .
I'm open to opinions on this matter.
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