Can we be friends?

Can you actually be friends with someone you don't trust? I mean, not like he's going to hurt me. Just that he will never be reliable . . . Greg, the friend I kicked to the curb is back . . . I know, maybe I shouldn't have let him back at all, but I put down the ground rules. If we're friends we are just friends and we're going to go slow. There will be no huggie, kissie or anything else. I'm sorry, but NO! Even today he offered to take me and the kids to Jason and Susan's. He was an hour late. So he's still the same as when I kicked him to the curb . . . well, just about. At least he showed up. But tomorrow I have an appointment tomorrow. He wants to take me when I know I have another ride. My honest reaction is that he's going to flake. That he will not be there when I need him. This has been the case for awhile now. Plus, he has other commitments. That in and of itself is fine. I have no trouble with that. But don't tell me you're going to show up when you can't and then don't tell me. However, he's assuring me he's going to be here tomorrow. I told him if he's 5-10 minutes late, I'm calling my original ride - Susan. They both think he'll flake out on me too.

In fact, when I got out of their car tonight I said, "I'll probably see you tomorrow!" They replied that they thought the same thing. I guess only time will tell. Maybe it seems kind of mean or that I'm setting Greg up for failure. But when it's happened so much in the past, it's hard not to expect the same behavior. Guess we'll see, but if he does flake out yet again, it's going to make things all the harder because I expect more out of my friends. I am there for them. If I say I'm going to do something I generally will and most of the time if I can't, I tell them so, or I won't commit. I'll tell them maybe and why. If he just doesn't show up, then that will be what he's been doing to me for awhile and I expect common decency from my friends; not just an "I'm sorry" later.

Other than that, my day and night has been pretty good. I got to chat with Ron today before he went to work. I was active on Cafemom and posted some of my writing exercises and a chapter of my book. It's always a bit nerve-wrecking to do because I just want everyone to love it and yet I'm afraid of it getting picked apart - which I know comes from years and years of emotional abuse starting in early childhood. I have gotten a lot better at accepting constructive criticism, but it still is really hard. There is always that initial, "OMG! I screwed up. They hate it. They hate me." It gets personalized really quick and then I feel like a failure and maybe burst into tears and I HATE to cry. LOL! I know, all over dramatic. But I've gotten better. It's still a struggle though.

Other than that, I was able to spend a pleasant evening with Jason and Susan. They're still struggling over the loss of Troy. It's hard for all of us, but I got to play and pet the other kitties, enjoy a fantastic meal of chili mac with biscuits and strawberry shortcake for dessert while watching something on Animal Planet about this guy working his way into a Lion Pride - a wild lion pride! It was pretty amazing. But not much else. I updated my Chapter 3 from edits I made on the hard copy I have and I am going to be going through Chapter 4 tonight maybe, if I don't crash first. I am soooooo tired! LOL! And if not that, then I have an idea for another scene to add to the book as I go. It'll just be a matter of trying to figure out where to fit it. Plus, I just need to work out the particulars of the scene in my mind anyway. I might actually be too tired to do it at all. I feel like I could fall asleep right now. But we'll see.

Anyway, now I'm going to check a few more things, write to my beloved Ron and then I'll be off to read, write or watch a movie! I never really know until I'm at that point in the future. I'm just like that!