How is it that I get drawn into the games. I guess I just care so much and part of me won't let the past be the past. That I still care about Denise. That I will always love her kids. When Kenny emailed me, I thought, "Wow! Maybe he needs help and wants to stay in touch." I have been writing him since last night.
He was telling me how his dad is on a respirator because he tried to kill himself over Nicole. That his grandparents had partial custody of them until their mother was released from the doctor's care. He said his mother needed my friendship and I said I'd be open to it except for a few hurdles. The typical that I wouldn't write on that book ever again and that I won't deal with negatism about Nicole, but the BIGGEST thing for me is that I don't know if I can trust her not to go running to John - my ex husband - with anything I might say or write to her.
Well, try to try convince me, he told me that she doesn't even have a MySpace anymore . . . I decided I'd test that theory. I went to HIS page. Guess who I found? Anyway, now I feel jerked around. That this is some kind of game. I've written him. Told him that I still love and care about him and his sister. That if they still want to come visit I'm open to it. They just need to call, but I can't deal with game playing. That I don't want to be lied to and that he needs to be straight up with me. I'm here for them, but I won't do the gameplaying.
I mean, if he'll lie about that, what's to say he's lying about his dad. I have asked him twice what happened to him and I've asked once what hospital is he in and I don't get an answer for either. He just gets vague. I don't know. I think after this last email, I probably won't hear from him again because I've called his bluff. This crap is Junior High and High School stuff. At least it's a kid doing it this time . . . I think. The other thought is that this is one of Denise's friends. I wanted it to be Kenny and that it was an honest email with no games attached so I'm really sad and disappointed. I'm more than willing to be friends. To be there for him. To even be there for Denise, but I will not be able to trust any of them if they continue to lie.
I bet what will happen now is that Kenny will set his MySpace to private too. But the thing is, if you have nothing to hide, then why set it to private? Anyway, it's more drama than I don't need. So I am guessing this was a bunch of bullshit and that it's over now. At least I'm not so invested that this is more than a slight bite of pain . . . like a flea bite that might itch for a bit. But I'm not in serious pain. It just makes me really sad . . . He and his sister will never know how much I really love them.
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